Daily News 3.11.16

They probably think this song is about them.

The remaining candidates for president have relied on a variety of pop songs at their rallies, using everything from Adele to Marc Anthony to pump up their supporters. But, as appropriate as their song choices sometimes may be, the Daily News can do better. Here are some possible song suggestions the candidates should consider using on the campaign trail:

Donald Trump

The overwhelming choice for a Donald Trump theme song in a recent survey by Hard Rock International was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain,” and although that’s a great fit, even that may be understating Trump’s love Kanye-like levels of self-love.

While Kanye West’s “I Am a God” might also seem like a respectable pick, the song that best encapsulates The Donald’s high self-regard is undoubtedly the Divinyls’ “I Touch Myself.”

Hillary Clinton

Participants in the Hard Rock survey picked Freddie Mercury’s “The Great Pretender,” which sounds reasonable based on the title, but the lyrics are actually about someone who’s pretending to be happy when they’re grieving a loss.

On one hand, it seems tempting to give Hillary “Take the Power Back” by Rage Against the Machine. After all, that’s basically what she’d be doing if another Clinton ended up in the White House. But, Hillary is very much a part of the establishment and “Take the Power Back,” like many Rage songs, is fundamentally anti-establishment and pro-anarchy. So while it fits well in title, the content is vastly mismatched to the Clinton dynasty.

Polls have shown that voters overwhelmingly don’t consider Hillary trustworthy, which makes Fleetwood Mac’s “Tell Me Lies” a great pick for voters on both sides of the aisle. To Republicans and to anti-Hillary Dems it probably seems like a good fit because of the number of scandals and questionable situations she’s been in over the past two decades of public political life.

Even for Hillary supporters, though, it’s still a good fit, though. After all, it’s not that her supporters necessarily believe that she’s always telling the truth — it’s just that they’re just willing to take Hillary’s “sweet little lies” over the alternatives.

Ted Cruz

For Ted Cruz, Hard Rock survey respondents most frequently picked “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi, which makes a lot of sense given the candidate’s evangelical beliefs. But, overall, that’s probably a little too nice.

A better pick would probably be “Creep,” by Radiohead.

Yes, Ted Cruz, you are a weirdo. And what the hell are you doing here?

Bernie Sanders

Half of the songs that Hard Rock survey participants picked for Bernie were pot-related, such as “New Americana” by Halsey and Afroman’s “Because I Got High.”

Although Bernie seems like he might toke a little and although Obama jokingly referenced him as a “pot-smoking socialist,” at last year’s White House Correspondents Dinner, he later told Katie Couric he’s not actually a pothead and has only smoked up twice — so pot-related songs may not be the best.

While he advocates for marijuana decriminalization, revolution is really what he’s looking for, not weed. The best song for Bernie would be “Revolution” by The Beatles.

John Kasich

Sadly, Kasich seems to have been forgotten about in the Hard Rock survey — but he seems to have been forgotten about by voters, too. On a number of issues, he’s been more moderate than the other remaining candidates, but that doesn’t seem to have helped him with the Republican base.

Although he’s gotten a few delegates, he hasn’t won any states yet in primary season and he’s been largely forgotten about in media coverage.

Thus, it seems the only fitting song for him is The Who’s “Who Are You?”

Tell me, John Kasich, who the f— are you??

Marco Rubio

Like Kasich, Rubio was neglected in the Hard Rock survey, but it’s not difficult to find a song for the baby-faced candidate: Bob Dylan’s “Forever Young.”

Aside from looking young, Rubio seems to be doing a good job keeping the political discourse forever young — or forever immature, given his recent comments about the size of Trump’s manhood.

Ben Carson

Had he stayed in the race, “Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley or “Insane in the Brain” by Cyprus Hill might have seemed appropriate picks for Carson.

But, since he’s dropped out, it seems that NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye” might be the only thing that works at this juncture.

Source: The Daily News